Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
