She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
