If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
