yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
