You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
