he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
