i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
