Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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