I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
