; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's like heaven, but drunker
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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