I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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