Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
