I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
