The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
