she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
