In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
