Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
