Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
