im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
