sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
