when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
