if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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