I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
