3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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