Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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