She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
