sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
