ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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