My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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