p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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