Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was born a porn star she said
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
