Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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