well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
