He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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