sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
