New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
