I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
