the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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