I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
