The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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