Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
