I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
