You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
