I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
