when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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