Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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