i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
