The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
