I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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