like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
