Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
