Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Life is so much better after having sex.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
pray to the hookup gods
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
