please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she told me i tasted like america
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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