You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
