I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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