Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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